take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
