Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
