I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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