You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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