her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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