He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
