and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
