End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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