So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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