One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
