Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am available for nakedness
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
