I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
