Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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