I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
