I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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