fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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