I wish they made helmets for livers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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