My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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