I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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