guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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