sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
