you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think weed is turning my hair brown
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
