i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
