just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
