I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
