So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
