her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
