Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
