I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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