his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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