I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
