dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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