I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
These tits shall not be calmed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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