Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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