Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
