I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
