just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
