sorry about calling you the devil all night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
