As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
