Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize