why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize