Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
