She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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