you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
