Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
