drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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