There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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