i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
