It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
