Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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