Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
