Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
