Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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