the condom got lost in my hair
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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