He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
