What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
