I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
