Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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