If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
