I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize