He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
