I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
