my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
