How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
