Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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