You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
