no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
