Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
