Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
