You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
